smart people.

this is my time.

today i felt lonely. like something was missing.

i need to learn.  im not done.

i forgot how to live.

somedays i blame it all on my parents.

im gonna have to talk to them. and explain.

relax. live on the edge.  remember how to do that?

remember? that was soo much more fun.

she wouldn’t want you to be soo angry.

time is short.  snatch up every day chances.

every day is one more day.  one more day to achieve who you really want to be.

sometimes your analyzing is a weakness.  seriously.

1.  everyone is beautiful in there own way.

2. remember how to go with the flow? well remember.

3.find my beauty…and blossom.

that is why i am here.

that is why.

breathe.  <3

still thinking.

i have no idea what i want to do.

i need to make money.  i am very tempted to just work for a while.

and make hella money.  or transfer to hamline?

hmm. that might be sweet. but i need money.  i’d have to go back to fargo for that?

but money will take a long time to get. cuz i need a car.  i should really get a car.  a crappy 2,000 car

just something to get me around. then insurance and gas. prolly about a little more then a 100 a month.

then. if i got an apartment that would prolly be about 200 a month depending…if i lived w/ someone and where i lived….i need to get my feet on the ground.

i depend so much on other people. i hate it. very badly.  …next semester if it gets bad enough. im gonna work for that other telemarketing place. ha. hopefully won’t have to.  but i need to save.

brb. biolife?

confusion.

today i feel confused. lost.
i want to change my major.
im sick of not having a job.
im tempted to go home. get an apartment. and transfer to msum/ndsu ?
can’t believe i said that. but seriously.  jobs here suck.
i need to get that library job.  they have pracs in fargo. I can work at sunmart. or get an even  better job.
idk. mb it would be bad.  i need money. to stay independent from my parents.  and i’d have to stay here at least a year anyway.  i guess i’ll see.  make the best of it.  find yourself.
there are some things that i know i want.

i want to help people by making a difference in their life. by helping them with money, there business or helping them with whatever knowledge i posess.
I want to know something that few people know, i want to have prestige. I have an extremely good work ethic and want something that is very rewarding. yet i want it to be something that i enjoy. I don’t know exactly what i like.  i need to take, accounting, computer, economics classes. i really wanna be well-rounded tho i want to know everything.  i have so many weaknesses. i guess i can read in my spare time.
i want to stay on top of things and keep informed. right now i feel so blah.

im gonna bull shit this paper, pick accouting/financial analyst. seriously. hahha you can analyze good.  you’ll get a very good grade.  get it out of the way.  then focus on reading developmental psych to prepare for the paper.  stop overwhelming yourself. chill and find books. research new things that you want to learn.
decide who you want to vote for. dont’ be afraid to question things.  blahh.

1. i like to know whats going on.
2. I like to know what im talking about.
3. I like to keep myself healthy, but understanding nutrition and vitamins. seriously i want to take human anatomy.  so much to know!
4. i like to challenge myself.

you can handle this. breathe. find what you really like.

you can do it.  you really are brilliant.

go to sleep.

<3 hazel.  relax.

essence.

music is the essence of my mood.

i like happy music, the most.

it just changes me, my mood, it gives me independence.

it gives me the freedom to control my mood.\

i feel artistic and and feel like creating myself more.

*sigh* if only i can time.  and you need your space these next few days

cuz otherwise this weekend will not be fun….

im just tired. and mb a little stressed. ok rethink/reorganize now.

1. fill out job applications and return.
2. get AAA batteries.
3. study math
4.get $30
5. SIFE-5:30
6.  WORK ON HOMEWORK
7. get more water….
8. sleep…zzzz

i had a pretty good day.  once again i’ll do it all over again. 

p.s.

i feel fat today.
not sure why.
mb im bloated.  haha
i don’t want to do anything.
i’ll just relax. cept i want to work out.
work IT out.
life will be good.
just do what you got to do.
find new music/ and read some damn good books.
peace.

ok, so why should I do anything that i hate?

life is about doing what you want. and doing what you got to do.

i don’t want to torture myself.

i need to clean. room/clothes
find a new job.
organize.
get water.
apply office 2007.
fill out absentee ballet.
study for math quiz.
communications test.
start PSYCH paper.
paint nails.
ok, im gonna quit that job.  and why does this voice keep telling me not to?

i HATE MY JOB!

i have never hated my job so badly.

i seriously can’t decide what to do.

should i quit?

i can’t its like poison.  just thinking about it. i can’t do it.  i can’t.

mentally my brain hurts just to think a bout it.

i don’t know what to do

blah.

i’ve been really happy today.

but right now i just feel exhausted but not tired enought to sleep.

stressed.

i hate my job.

i want money.

I miss him and want to go back home.

i know i can’t. that i got to stick it out and stay away here.

seeing him would just hurt more.

i got to just breathe and relax.

this week is just very stressful.

don’t do anything drastic. don’t quit your job just yet.

keep your eyes open.  next week you hardly work, and school will start to slow down.

its just this week that is exhausting you so much.

don’t go the the walgreens sife thing. you have plenty of opportunities. going now will just stress you out…so breathe…gets lots of stuff done.

1. finish this week as strong as you can.
2. get you butt working on future hw. stay ahead.  all the time.
3. time manage!  whoop whoop!
4. drink more water!
5. try to get up earlier! ASAP
6. try to fit in some exercise to feel even better.
7.work long days so you can avoid working as few of days as possible!
8. take vitamins
9. do you best.
10. keep living.
11. you’ve gone thru weeks like this before….you can do it again.

12. tonight. relax. listen to michelle branch.  mb treat yourself this weekend to something a little special??  hmmmmm thats a great idea!  lets think….max $40. one 5 hour day. not bad.

pedicure? piercing? tan? idk something cool.  thats a good plan. i deserve it.  : )

mb a piercing and tan….cuz pedicure is a bit expensive…mb i’ll give myself one.  yay for saturday! can’t wait ; *

Love hazel!

concentrate.

sometimes. i just can’t concentrate.
i cant’ focus on whats in front of me.
that = me right now.
all i can do i daydream.
and get lost in a world of non-reality.
where am i?
somewhere lost in my brain.
I have SO much to do.
but i just can’t sit still and write/read.
focus.
grrrr.
breathe.
take a break?
walk around?

hi…

i feel very artistic right now.

i was a flower growing trapped in weeds.

i am slowly tearing through the rough.

it feels damn good.

life is different.

life is weird.

life is freeing.

i think i am finally being be.

and feeling good about it.

im learning how to live

how people work

how i work

im discovering what truly makes me happy

im understanding and seeing people in ways i never though i could

leaving home was the  best thing i ever did.

and think….its only been 3 weeks.  hahaha

i wanna cry. i just can’t believe it.