anxious.

i think i feel anxious today.

i need to breathe.  i feel sorta overwhelmed with emotions.

I have lots to focus on. i wish i had more time to waste.

there is so much i want to find.i want to find myself more.

i feel kinda anxious. and keep thinking around and around in circles.

i just want to cry.  i feel like im doing nothing.  i need to get a better schedule.

i need to wake up earlier tomorrow. and study more.

school is my life now.  i always need to improve?

breathe. everything is okay.

going home?

god. going home is stressful.

all the emotion, the pain, fuck.

I’ve missed him a lot….

but seriously? i can’t be dragged down by him.

I don’t understand how smart people can be so dumb.

talking on the phone..reminded me again of it all.

i guess people do what they got to do, what makes them happy?

i don’t think i can take being this close to him….

it hurts to much to leave. idk what im doing. help.

being away made me realize how much my friends really do bring me down.

they are downers. insecure. think everything is lame.

think boys are the only excitement. why?

where is the fun in living? in doing whatever we want?

i just want laid back, normal friends. thats what i want more than anything.

i want normal friends.

i want to be free to do as i wish.

i want to keep my life on track and not let things like people or substances bring me down.

going back home, everyone and everything is tearing me down…my friends, my family, my ex.

seriously?  why me?

im soooo glad i got away.  but now im going back home and have to deal with it all.

this is why i liked josh soo much.  its such a nice change of pace.

this is why i missed kim so much.  i must make time for them.  i must.  and my family…

i can’t hang out with him too much….too painful.  we need to talk.

about what?  i don’t know. lets sort. im gonna have a lot of emotion when i see him so i got to take it slow…

1. what is he doing?

2.  doing drugs extremely bad, if its your focus on life.

3.  how important am i?  really?  seriously?

4. need 100 percent honesty…otherwise everything will end forever.  no second chances.

5. consider us together, but can see other people?  ha

should i continue to hope and wish for a future? am i shooting myself in the foot?

he’s always said do what i want, and he will always love me.

do i think logically with my heart? i choose to pick logic, cept my heart always wins in the end.  sigh.

i need something to bring me up. i need honesty. i need truth. i need realness.

i need safety. i love him cuz he’s safe, and he makes me smarter/better person. he’s real.  he keeps my standards high. he makes me feel good/happy.  he’s my best friend. and so far this distance thing has been good..its helped challenge our relationship already.  every trial has brought us closer together.

i need to be able to trust him even when we aren’t together.
i need him to get his life together..and create stability.

i need them to be solid in order to know.

ok, talk about that. and wow its weird. now i realize why i wanted to

get away so badly.  i had all these weights on me….i can feel them climbing on again.

i can’t fly for one weekend.  sadly im excited for this pain?