who wants to be ordinary?

today.  hi there.

i try to look at life with happiness and hope.

somedays im just a screw up.

i gotta feel good about myself. im losing my confidence. : (

friends disappoint me.

i feel like life is meant to achieve happiness….

i have this friend and she drives me up the wall cuz all she does is analyze and focus and this small part of her life. i feel like she’s afraid to see the bigger picture. life is huge!

my main problem right now is feeling fat. rawr. i feel so fat that i don’t want to even be around my friends.  all they talk about is this pointless stuff over and over. and they dont’ understand me.  no one does.  i just feel like close to a failure and outta control.  i feel very unhappy.  like i don’t know how to get skinnier w/out going crazy.

i just don’t have a desire to spend my time anywhere else but making myself happy.  how disgusting is that?

i only care about myself.  but when i lose time from myself. im just like ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.  im gross.

i’ve been thinking alot.  how life needs to remain in control for me to stay sane. but i wanna have fun and just relax and be like yea, thats right i look good. i know.  even tho in reality….i’ve gained 10 lbs and have fat in all the wrong places.

but then im like stop thinking about it so much.

people suck.

im fucking exhausted.